ROMNEY WORDSWORTH – There’s a lot of stupidity in the world today, more than there has probably ever been. With that kind of wealth of material, I have decided to inaugurate “MORON MONDAYS”, where I will run down some of the stupidest behavior from around the world. Stuff that really deserves a Darwin Award as examples of Nature weeding out the Morons.
Our first candidate is Clarissa Gagum, aged 24, from Wilmington, North Carolina. She was recently arrested for “Drive Thru Window Rage”. Apparently, you see, a local chicken wing franchise by the name of FU WANGZ got Mrs. Gagum’s order wrong. She wanted boneless wings, but they gave her wings with bones instead.
Naturally, the only thing for a Moron to do in that situation was to throw the order of wings on the floor, and then scream and terrorize the restaurant staff while waving a gun (Yes, a gun!) in the air, and smashing the cashier’s tip jar in the process. In her defense, Mrs. Gagum said that she was enraged by the lousy customer service, and she was injured by cutting her hand on the broken glass of the tip jar.
Yes, you got a wrong order of food. Now you’re facing felony charges of assault with a deadly weapon, and injury to personal property. Her husband, Rasheem Gagum, was arrested as well and charged with resisting arrest. Happily, a felony conviction will relieve Clarissa Gagum of the right to keep and bear arms, and we’ll all be the safer for it.
Our next candidate for Moron Mondays is this unidentified Mexican woman, who managed to somehow get between a train and the railroad tracks. The train won. I don’t mean to be callous, but most of us managed in early childhood to learn not to play on railroad tracks. Those who didn’t listen to our parents’ warnings end up like this woman. I have no evidence, but I’m going to speculate that this woman was in a hurry to get somewhere, and used extremely poor judgment. Maybe she was late getting to a Make America Mexico Again Rally. Purportedly, her dying words were: “How come nobody ever told me my butt was so fat?”
Moving on…A minority student group at the University of California, Los Angles, is accusing a professor of racism for correcting grammar and punctuation mistakes of minority students in their writing assignments. The group, Students of Color, says: “The grammar ‘lessons’ are acts of micro-aggression that have created a hostile class climate.” The accused professor, Val Rust, said he was just trying to help his students, but conceded that they “don’t feel that is appropriate”. Yeah, keeping it real. Real stupid. Go ahead and stay dumb and ignorant then.